Dear Jason,
by Shasonluv
Summary: REPOSTED! After Jason gets married Shane commits suicide and leaves behind a note for Jason. Shason ONESHOT.


**A/N Connect three are brothers in this fic\\**

_Dearest Jason,_

_I've wanted to tell you._

_I really did. For ages actually, but I've been scared, and I agree it's not right. I just don't want to lose you as a brother. __Jason__, I swear I wanted to tell you. But I never knew how to._

_And, __Jason__, I still don't know how to tell you._

_You don't know how hard it was for me. I saw you two together, smiling, laughing, holding hands…kissing. I'd always get jealous when I saw you do this, just because you have __**that**__ and I don't. I knew you loved each other. Much more then you ever loved me. The way you looked at her… it was the way I was waiting for you to look at me._

_And let me tell you: It nearly killed me to see you two together. But what could I do? Sure I'm Shane Gray. But __Jason__, your my brother. And.. I just couldn't help being who I am._

_I didn't think you'd understand. Plus you have Marley. You love her. I couldn't take that way from you, your happiness that is. She was your hope and love and you were hers. I didn't want you to hate me, to think I'm a disgusting person. To think…that you don't love me anymore._

_As a brother that is._

_Jason__ you don't understand how much it hurt me. Although I wish you could comprehend. Worst of all I wasn't important to you anymore as soon as you met her. You had Marley and that's all that mattered to you. Even though I'm famous and everyone wants Shane Gray I was still investable to the one person I wanted to be noticed by, you, __Jason__. _

_I was with you first, I was your best friend, your brother and I introduced you to her. She loved you, we both did only you loved her back. She was your beau._

_What about me?_

_Where did I fit into all of this? Well I didn't. Now I know that I'll always be second best to you. It didn't matter if it was Nate or Marley at the time, your heart just wasn't big enough for me. You slowly slolwly started to forget me, although i just can't seem to forget you._

_Never. _

_You know, you were the only reason I even bothered to wake up each morning and get through the day. You were always the one to make me smile and laugh. We were happy __Jason__ It was always like this. But now your getting married and every minute feels like a million tiny knifes slicing through my skin. It hurts __Jason__ and I guess now I'll just come out and say it because you've probably already figured it out:_

_I'm gay…_

_And I love you…_

_I know you probably hate me for this now, but i can't help loving you more then a brother __Jason__. I just can't. You must think I'm horrible. _

_I love you so much that I can't get myself to move on and be with anyone else.. The truth is that I don't want anyone else… I want you. Even if your my brother. I guess you were just.. you were just.. _

_Special; _

_Jason__, you are special to me. I can't be with anyone else, it just wouldn't feel right. I-i just can't.. You already found somebody, but I loved you first. Even though you love her._

_I never told you this but; I just loved waking up every morning and seeing your face on the bed next to mine, I loved how you make me laugh and how you always seem to make everything better again when it fell apart._

_I always knew that love was painful. I just didn't know how painful was painful, but you taught me a lesson __Jason__, love sucks. You just get hurt in the end._

_Today was your wedding day. I stood there, smiling, trying to be happy for you. I really did try, but it once again it was hard__ Jason__. Everything is. I saw your future flash before you eyes, your future with Marley. The future that was meant to be spend with me, not her._

_But now I know you can't be mine. You never could and it just feels like everything is falling apart again only this time I don't have you to pull it back into place. Life feels just like it isn't worth living anymore. You were the only thing that kept me going Jason and I know this is long overdue but.._

_Jason__, I love you. I always have and i always will. _

_Always,_

_Shane._

I put your note down and shook my head as I traced your name again, over and over. Your name was etched there in the stone.

_Shane Adam Gray._

I kneel in front of the tombstone. My fingertips still tracing around it; they find the date as I take a deep breath. It was exactly one year ago. You were wrong Shane, it's been a year and I still haven't forgotten you.

_He will be remembered by all those life's he touched. _

My head continues to shake. This is all wrong.

I ran my hand through my hair and draw in anther deep breath.

_I miss you. . ._

I promised myself I won't cry over this. No, not again. I close my eyes, not telling any tears fall.

Opening them again; I look down at my finger, my purity ring now replaced with a marriage ring.

A tear slips out of my eye before I can stop it. It rolls down on my cheek and lands on the rock.

You never knew how wrong you were, you had always came first in my heart and I loved you more then I thought I did. I only wish I could of told you that.

I get up and leave the cemetery, not looking back.


End file.
